I know there are all these rumors flying around about what happened, and from what I've heard, it's almost all complete bullshit. So let me set the record straight.
I hired Vincenzo to come out on stage dressed up like a cowboy. Hat, boots, sheriff's badge, the whole nine yards. Then he was going to pretend to "draw" his guns on me, and that's pretty much it. I can't explain why, but there's something about an orangutan dressed up like a cowboy that's just really fucking funny.
So anyway, when Vincenzo arrived at the bar that night, I paid him $20 up front. Now, it's my standard policy to NEVER pay the acts who perform on my show. I just don't believe in it. I will, however, make exceptions when it's really worth it. Vincenzo was not only worth it, but I was afraid that if I didn't pay him, he might ape-out and start ripping people's faces off.
As soon as I gave Vincenzo the money, he dropped off his dufflebag backstage and jetted out the door.
At this point I would like to mention:
I have NO IDEA where Vincenzo went, or what he was up to. At no point in time was I ever considered to be responsible for that monkey's well-being, and I CERTAINLY had no prior knowledge of his drug problem.
So if you hear anyone accusing me of procuring drugs for Vincenzo, or giving him money to get drugs for ME, it's fucking bullshit.
When Vincenzo returned a few hours later, nobody noticed anything unusual about his demeanor. But also, nobody REALLY knew Vincenzo. He was kind of a loner. Sure he hung out around the scene, and did the circuit, but I never saw him really hanging out with anybody outside of the shows.
The show began, and Vincenzo spent the whole time chilling backstage, eating grapes. I went back there during Calvin's set to tell Vincenzo he was up next, and when I got there, he was fully dressed in his cowboy costume and staring at himself in the mirror. I called his name a few times, and when he finally noticed my presence, he slowly turned around, pulled what I assumed to be a TOY gun out of his holster, and blew his fucking brains out. Right in fucking front of me. Nobody out front even heard the gunshot, because Calvin was killing so hard.
I immediately started rooting through Vincenzo's pockets, vainly searching for the $20 I gave him earlier.
All I found was a receipt for $10 worth of grapes.
Oh, and a half-smoked joint. I quickly smoked the rest, to destroy the evidence, and then that's when I came out and made the fake announcement about how I couldn't find Vincenzo anywhere. It might not have been the best decision to lie like that, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. And then that fucking chick looking for the bathroom stumbled backstage, saw Vincenzo, and started screaming.
And you've probably heard some inaccurate version of everything that happened next.
Well, let me tell you something:
I am a good person.
Don't believe everything you hear.
It's not my fault what happened to Vincenzo.
Oh yeah, and the next show is Tuesday May 18th. Totally come out to that shit!!
Sincerely,
bc
Vincenzo, 1991-2010
Hilarious.
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