Tony Danza Molests His Nephew

Originally posted in the World's Greatest Grandson Facebook Group in early April:

The status of World's Greatest Grandson is still in limbo, but I can say with near certainty that the show WILL in fact continue throughout the summer.

It all really depends on Radio City Music Hall at this point. They are considering giving me 5 nights this month to resurrect my 2006 one man show, Tony Danza Molests His Nephew.

The show has been on indefinite hiatus ever since that piece of shit Tony Danza had the audacity to sue me a few years ago- well guess who lost his case this past Friday after 3 years of bankrupting me with legal costs? Who's The Boss now, you guinea hack?!?

Anyway, assuming the deal goes through with Radio City, I may have to put the WGG show on another hiatus. Otherwise, I'll post more details as soon as they are sorted out!

UPDATE:

Tony Danza Molests His Nephew opened and closed on the very same night. I can't really discuss too many details right now, but I can tell you that I’m legally prohibited from doing public impressions of Tony Danza AT ALL until this gets sorted out.

Essentially, when Tony No Talent heard about my show re-opening, he filed a stop motion or whatever the fuck it's called. I spent 3 days dodging some guy chasing me around with a subpoena, and then 15 minutes before show time, he traps me taking a dump in the men's room.

So I was like, you know what? Fuck this.

I walked right out of the restroom and pushed through the curtain onto the stage. I stood alone, facing the sold out crowd, who seemed confused by my unorthodox entrance. In the back of the room, I could clearly see Tony Danza himself, standing with his arms crossed and glaring at me.

"Ladies and gentlemen" I said, "In my hands is a court order which I just received 5 minutes ago. It basically says I’m not allowed to perform Tony Danza Molests His Nephew, pending further litigation."

A wave of audible disappointment washed over the audience, and Tony Fuck Face Danza's glare twisted into a satisfied sneer.

"Well" I continued, "I suppose there's only one thing I can say."

Then in my best Danza voice, I yelled out

"Go ahead and call the cops- I bet I can rape this kid twice before they even get here!!!"

The audience stood to their feet and erupted with applause, and I went right into the opening monologue.

Danza flipped the fuck out and rushed the stage, but was promptly subdued by the Security staff.

About 20 minutes later, as I was wrapping up the "seduction" portion of Act One, I was totally in the zone. I was feeding off the laughter and resisting the urge to look at Tony Danza freaking out right in front of the stage, trying to break free from a choke hold. I guess that's why I wasn't aware of the two policemen who climbed on stage as I pantomimed jerking off a drugged-up 10 year old boy.
Actually what I noticed was the sound of people chuckling right behind me, which is of course odd, since it's a one-man show.

"Heh, Heh, Okay Chambers" laughed one of the policemen as he gave me a pat on the back. "That's enough of that. Ha Ha, good shit though. You sound exactly like Tony Danza. You make it really easy to like, totally imagine him molesting his nephew. In fact, from now on, whenever I see Tony Danza on TV or something, I'll probably never think of anything else EXCEPT that- heh, heh. Good shit. But I'm sure you understand, I have to arrest you now."

The other cop then turned to the audience and yelled

"Okay folks, show's over. Nothing left to see here."

I then repeated the exact same phrase in the Danza voice and everyone, including the cops, just started busting out laughing. It was seriously the biggest laugh I've ever gotten in my life. And Danza was so fucking steamed, clenching his fists and trying to kick free from the Security guard's stranglehold- that was like the fucking cherry on top.